Ice Cream Headache

I had an icecream headache for like 7 seconds, that's a long time. Thought I was gonna die

Gnorms Bach

Good Times

Almost A Year

I can't believe its almost been 1 year since I've posted here. I may have some time to start doing this again. Well see.

Funny stuff happens at work

I had a colleague of east Asian decent talk to me today about a client she was dealing with. One Mr. Cobbledick. The funniest part is that she had no idea of the connotations of the word Cobbledick. She was just going off about various client related issues, saying cobbledick this, cobbledick that. It took every ounce of restraint not to pee myself right there.

Always looking for a new box

So in the constant search for new music a good buddy of mine came across Pandora. If you only check out one website today make it this one.

In a small town a little too long

I've been in this small town just a little too long. I'm starting to recognize strangers. Are they still strangers at that point?

Things you don't do in the bathroom at work

So I walk into the washroom at work the other day simply to wash my hands and face (yeah right) and came across something that really disturbed me. Both stalls were taking up by two gentlemen who were in the middle of (for lack of a better term) taking a shit. Not only were they shitting but they were having a full blowm conversation. Now everybody poops but no one and I mean no one has conversations with coworkers or any other person for that matter while sharing a dump.

So Eric says to me he says

If people from brazil are called brazillians are people from Ghana called Ghanarians?

Old Fashion Nurses

They should really bring back old fashion nurses. You know the kind, large breasts and low cut uniforms. Who wouldn't want to wake up from surgery to a large set of breasts.

May Want To Check Out

Reduced an Ranting

Seriously spent like a good 45 seconds (no exaggerating at all obviously) on the title. Anyway I thought I would do a comeback rant but can't think of shit to rant about. I could go off about the seal hunt but I honestly am not close enough to the action to care. Too many degrees of separation. Its kinda like those kids in those commercials on TV where you give less than a coffee a day (which is slowly becoming a car payment). Now I don't believe they are real and only because I have never seen them, and I don't know why they just don't move over 10 feet to where there is grass and no flies. But hey I'm not one to ridicule culture. Anyway wish I could think of something to write about.

The Goat

I may come back to the goat, I really did enjoy blogging my random thoughts.

Fuck Post Secret

Post Secret has gone commercial. On one hand I understand the need for money and thats my main fault cuz believe me if eating goats became cool I would sell this site for like 3 free lunches at arby's. Anyway. Yeah now postsecret.blogspot.com is pretty much advertising for a book. Pretty lame, that site was pretty cool. I will remove it from my links as soon as I get the ambition.

Quit Smoking Update

Day 3 not smoking, kinda got this metal taste in my mouth. The patch is working fine, cravings are far and few between, mostly an oral fixation more than anything else. I keep thinking about all the money I'm saving (about $300/mth) but then I'm emptying the vending machines at work on a daily basis, oh well.

Quit smoking

Me and jason quit smoking today, so did jen. It's gonna be tough, been smoking for 11 years for most of us. My parents always raised me not to be a quitter but I guess sometimes parents just don't understand.

The Nothing Post

I feel like I have been neglecting the goat, to tell you the truth I just don't care anymore, I have nothing to say.

Fun with MS paint

My buddy really wants people to see his penis, so here it is.

Flys on the ceiling

So theres two flys on the ceiling, one fly turns to the other and says.
"Hey your mans open"

Newest CD I can't stop listening to

Sometimes managers just don't think

So at work, where I sell pens and other promotional products, they are trying to use popcorn as a motivational tool. You see this is our busy time of year and they need us to work alot of overtime. So in order to lure us into work for 40plus hours they have come up with the ingenius idea of "Popcorn Days". Now we are forbidden to eat anything but hard candies and peanuts (yeah thats right) at our desk. So you can only eat this popcorn in the lunchroom on your break or lunch. So first off that sucks, second of all, who gives a shit about popcorn?

Ok last one

I realize that posting images from Post Secret is redundant since I like to it from my blog, I do think this one is fantastically funny and will try and refrain from repeating a similar post in the future.




You know what else is kinda funny, I used the word blog in this post and did a spell check and it didn't recognize blog, it is a blog!!

Customize Google

First off if you aren't using gmail yet simply email eatthegoat@gmail.com for an invite. Secondly you must the use the customized google homepage, unless of course you don't use google.

Good Halloween Site

Funniest Post Secret Ever

Cut off by my ISP!!

So I goto check my email the other day and after some confusion realized that my internet was down. I called my ISP and they informed me that my account had been suspended for bandwidth violations. I didn't even know they had a limit on bandwidth. So after some knoodling they reactivated my account and told me to watch it. They also informed me that they had been emailng me at the account I got with my service, again I didn't even know that existed. I have no need for ISP based email, your ISP changes too often and its a pain to change email addresses. Anyway so I read the letters and then goto this page that tells me my usage, this is what it read.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monthly combined bandwidth limit: 15360 MB
Current month's bandwidth used to date (MB)
Upstream: 83737
Downstream: 70610

Current month's percentage of combined limit used: 1004 %
Current month's estimated bandwidth usage (based on the current daily average usage): 201300 MB
Estimated amount current limit will be exceeded by (based on the current daily average usage): 185940 MB

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So if I am using 100 times what I am alotted I really don't think this relationship with my ISP is gonna work out. I asked and they can't offer me another package, their loss.

Apocalyptic Flashlight

My buddy got this flashlight at Shoppers Drugmart. It doesn't take batteries. All you do is shake it and the magnet and copper coil create a charge and allow the flashlight to emit light. This is by far the greatest invention I have come across since tiny FM transmitters.

Back to work

So I'm back to work and once again projecting the illusion of productivity, I'm telling ya this is a skill. So anyway, between writting a short story and doing crossword puzzles at work today I happened upon a fly. You know the type, little black, obnoxious. Anyway, so I got to thinking, when a fly is landed on the ceiling do you think it knows its upside down?

A not new stove

Mt friends mom bought this stove as her actuall stove, like this is what she is going to cook xmas dinner in. Can you imagine the time it takes to preheat a stove of this vintage, not to mention the amount of heat that must escape into your home. The turkey won't be the only thing cooking.

Patty's Baby Boy

My buddy Pat had a baby, fortunately its head did not pop off, unlike Mary, who's baby's head did pop off. We all thought she was joking till she showed up at league night with the head as her ball.

Highway Driving

Do people still flash their headlights when they have passed a cop on the highway to warn oncoming speeders of the dangers looming ahead. I remember when I younger you would see this all the time, now I don't see it at all. If this is no longer common practice I think we as a people should bring it back.

Bands That Sell Out

When bands sell out are they really selling out? I was talking with a friend last night about this whole issue when a greenday video came on. We came to an agreement that this saying was created by bands that sucked, you know they dont suck though they just blame it on the bad equipement. Anyway we decided that selling out is really just getting the job, so next time a small independent band makes it big dont say they sold out say they got the job.

Where is RPD?

Currently without web access. RPD has been missing, stealing sometime at a friends house he simply comes to say hello. He also wonders why funkbh is telling us about walmart shopping sprees. You would think with Walmart being common place he would not shop there. Also for the fact that they have drivin most of the mom and pop stores out of business and you can no longer get services from someone you know and trust.

Moving Day

I'm moving on Saturday to a new place. I think I'm going to have to learn how to swim cause there is a pool on the 3rd floor. I actually will have a full size fridge, and a dishwasher, and a washer/dryer, and a clean stove. I'm pretty excited.

AZ little of WalMart

I have been doing a little more shopping at Walmart in the last few months. Here are some highlights.

Mess Set - $3.00. This set included 4 pots, measuring cup and a handle. All aluminum one piece construction. And I could clean it easily enough to use it again.

You have got to wonder what happened to get this in my camping bag for $3.00. I mean, I can see the physical characteristics of it. But someone had to move it through the production line, pack it and label it. Somehow it got from China to Ontario by ship, train and truck. And I purchased it at a price that Walmart profited from. It wasn't a loss-leader or opening price point item.

Rubbermaid storage containers, various sizes - From $4.77 to $12.86. Some may remember Rubbermaid (i don't) as a North American corporation that sold a great product and employed many people. More may remember the pressure that Walmart put on them to slash costs and move operations overseas, nearly bankrupting the once pround Fortune 500 company.

Bag of fun - $8.00 Contents include; 1 flying disk (a middlebrow frisbee) , set of velcro mitts and ball, water splat football, wiffleball set and a beachball.

The frisbee actually flew very true. I liked the action as much as Pat's authentic frisbee. The velcro mitts kept on stickin. The Splat Football and Beachball did thier job, which isn't much really. My issues were with the wiffleball set. The race on thehandles wasn't wide enough to fit the ball. Oh yeah, it had a handy zippered mesh carrying case.

Coleman cooler with bonus set - $19.99 Well, the bonus set was nice.

Oh my god, look what happened in London Today

Pub must restore thatched roof

Plans to restore a fire-ravaged thatched pub in Leicestershire are on hold to allow time for talks on the restoration of its roof.

Weather network message of the day

Comment on an addition of weather news about a month ago. About people and the exposure to the suns UV rays that can cause cancer, or maybe it was about pets. It was mentioned on TWN that pets have no protection against the suns damaging rays. I would like to say my neighbour, shes a little eccentric, the last few years she is not very friendly, Im not on speaking terms with her, its ever since she became and unwed single mother she hates men, so she doesnt talk to me. Shes got this brown dog, its either a rotweiller or a lab, I swear to you this is true, I think shes trying to protect her dog from the suns harmful rays. It looks like shes fastened a Lampshade to her dogs head if you can believe it; she lives about 3 houses away. I dont know if thats what it is or the purpose of it because I can no longer talk to her, she hates men now. I saw this dog walking around with a Lampshade on its head; you can investigate this if you want.

I shit you not

Open a new checking account at TD Bank and they will give you a free Ipod Shuffle. This guy at work told me about it and I of course did not believe him but then I checked the website and its true!!

Breaking News

So Im watching my morning news show Breakfast Television. There was a very uninteresting news serial about potato bugs. Then all of a sudden they cut in with a breaking news story. So this can't wait breaking news story is a live shot of the Olympic committee about who is going to get, are you ready, I hope you are. The 2012 Olympic games. Are they serious, this is breaking news, an event that won't take place for 7 years is breaking news. I was quite bothered by the situation and think I may have to write a letter. I write lots of letters.

Weather network message of the day

My name is George, Im calling from just west of wiarton Ontario. This is really nothing to do with weather but I have a question about the high gasoline prices. How much gasoline is being used at a drag strip or like Daytona 500, if the gas prices are going up why are they allowing race drivers to compete, how much gas do they use. I would like to race my car too but I can’t because the gas is too much. But all the car races use astronomical amounts of gas for nothing, just to go around the track 500 miles. Thats 500 miles I can’t use in gas for what half a year, all the driving I do, thank you for listening. If the gas price is going up why allow car races.


This is the same guy who called in about low water levels

Weather network message of the day

Hi There, I am a believer, a Christian of the god Jehovah. Witnessing the weather is wonderful. There is wind in the trees; one cant see the wind in the trees except for the trees that have wind in them. We are looking for some rain, we may bring a chunk of polar ice to the park, maybe on a large sea worthy ship. Then maybe on a truck with a big block of ice. Then we could use some local air traffic to lift the ice over the park. Thats my message for today. Take good care, Im thinking of you Nadine.

If I die this is what I want my tombstone to read.

The stationary store by my house

I do Origami, I know its odd but its something I picked up and I like it ok. So here's the thing. There is a store by my house that sells paper and paper accessories. So I wandered in there today on my way home from my 3 hour stint at work. I asked the shopkeeper if he had any origami paper, that I needed black and white paper. I'm working on an origami chess set and need black and white paper. The shopkeep in turn looked at me like I just pulled a pink elephant out of my ass. He told me he didn't know what I meant. In turn I again said I was looking for origami. Again, a look of total wonderment. Now I was getting a little wierded out by this guy. He then says he has never heard of origami, he knows not what I say. I again said, origami, you know, paperfolding. He still didn't know what I meant. I asked him how long he had been selling paper and paper accessories. About 20 years. I said and you've never heard of origami or paperfolding, he just shook his head. I walked out feeling quite stressed over the whole episode.

Angriest Young Man

What happened to Geena Davis

What ever happened to Geena Davis. She used to be in lots of movies and I don't think I've seen her since Beetlejuice. I mean she's pretty enough. Unless she smiles, because she shows to much gum. Not a good gum to tooth ratio, anyway if anyone knows what happened to Geena Davis please let me know.

Something else I won't eat

I decided I can't eat any sort of Chutney, like Mango Chutney. The sole reason being that Chutney sounds like some sort of communter train to some upity out of the way resort town that caters to urbanites from large centers. Hey thats just one mans opinion.

Weather Network Message of the Day

This was left in a Batman Villan type voice.

Its that time of the year again, happy pride week 2005 to all the gang at the weather network. I hope you all have happy wonderful joyous time. We kick it off on Sat with the annual dyke march down the young street strip. Where the gals can show there bare breasts to the delight and enjoyment of both genders, hmm. Then on Sunday the party really kicks into high gear with annual pride parade. Butt cheeks chaps, pierced nipples, dildos and ex-penises are just a few of the many sights to see. There will be endless fun and profanities to be had. So leave your inhibitions at the door cuz party poopers need not apply. Lets all get on out there and have a really big gay old time. Love you, Bye

Current Fav CD

Cats with OCD

This girl at work was told her cat has Obesive Compulsive Disorder and the he needs prozac. So now she spends $40 a month to buy her OCD cat prozac!!

What a day!!

I actually broke a sweat at work today, now you ask why is he posting this. Well the thing is I tend to sit on my ass and project the appearance of productivity. For some reason I actually had to do something today and man I broke a sweat, I don't think I've ever gotten even winded at work. I have always worked desk jobs because of my fear of manual labor, but if this continues I may have to find a more stagnant job. Suggestions are welcome.

Thank god the new Foo Fighters CD is out

Sounds pretty good to me right now, but i'm kinda baked.

Excersise, no way!!

If walking is so good for you why does my mailman look like Jabba The Hut!?

Why do things change?

I have a little bit of a rant today. My best friends parents are moving today. Now it's actually two best friends, brothers, and I have lived next to them for 21 years. Now that's not entirely true. We all moved away from home to different cities about 6 years ago. We have always stayed close, we are really just brothers from different mothers you know. Anyway, the issue is that we are always home on holidays and those times are spent equally between our two homes, actually more their parents than mine (mine are a little uptight). So you know I would wake up in the morning and just scoot over to Steve French's house (fake name) and we would eat breakfast and get baked. It was a good life. If It was 2am and I was bored I would just go rap on Steve French's (fake name) window and we would just chill and get baked you know. Now when I go home to my parents I am going to be totally alone, no one, just me and my stepdad who tends to fall asleep with the remote for the TV on his crotch so I have to use a broom handle to get it. Anyway this is upsetting me today so I though I would write about it.

Milo And Felix, American Idols

Most people don't know I have rabbits, andeven fewer know that they were guest judges on American Idol.

Testing Out an Audible Post

Weather Network Message of the Day

Another fine message courtesy of the weather network.

Thank you for taking Anne Marie Sweeney off the air and hopefully off the planet. She is disgusting! We turn her on at night just to have a laugh. She looks and acts like a teenage hooker. She does no justice for The Weather Network. She flirts with the camera, her short tight skirts at her middle age. She puts those slits in her skirts. She runs around like a mare in heat! She can't stand still for 2 seconds. We love Suzanne Feliz and Chris St. Clair. Bye for now.

This guy calls all the time

Weather Network Message of the Day

Could you please stop showing the temperature, thank you.

What I'm cooking

1 pkg Fusilli
Gorgonzola Cheese sauce
Cream Cheese
Mozzarella Cheese
1 can Chunky Tomatoes
Spinach
Mushrooms
Broccoli
Roasted Red Peppers
SunDried Tomatoes

Sometimes you just hate things

So I decided that I need a cause in my life, you know something to fight for. So I've decided that I am against picketing, I just don't know how to show it.

What do I listen to?

I got an I-Pod and I need some new music to listen to. What's the best stuff out there right now?

I just bought that DVD from a pirate

The movie Illuminati was pretty ridiculous. I was too hot to do anything so I watched almost all 4 hours of it. It was the crazy conspiracy theory involving ancient satanic guilds, Freemasonry, and the American Bush family. It looks like it was produced at the Weekly World News.

A good argument for church

I am currently reading Dan Browns, Angels and Demons. Hence the Illuminatic look of the blog. I think I may change the look to reflect what I am reading at the time. Anyway, so I'm reading this book, now I'm not a god fearing man, but I read one paragraph in this good that actually made good sense as to what church should mean to people in our culture that now has answers that the bible once purposed to answer. So I decided to post it, here it is.

"For Sylvie, the church had always been an innocuous entity...a place of fellowship and introspection...sometimes just a place to sing out loud without people starting at her. The church recorded the benchmarks of her life, funerals, weddings, baptisms, holidays, and it asked for nothing in return. Even the monetary dues were voluntary. Her children emerged from Sunday School every week uplifted, filled with ideas about helping others and being kinder. What could possibly be wrong with that?"

By far the best argument for church I have ever heard.

The benches around my dwelling

I opted to use the word dwelling simply because I am looking through the yellow pages. Have you ever noticed that the only place in the world they still use words like this are in the yellow pages. Have you ever looked for clothes in the yellow pages. They are not listed under clothes they are listed under apparel, who the hell still uses that word. Anyway I'm getting a little of topic. I live in a large urban center and havve noticed something odd. We have these benches all around the city lining the sidewalks. There are actually people who sit on these benches as a pastime. They just sit there and watch the world go by. I've been to other cities that have benches that sit empty day after day. Why are these benches getting used, what is the attraction?

Wacko Jacko not so wacko afterall

In one of the more publicized legal battles of the century Michael Jackson has been found not guilty on all ten counts against him. Ranging from lude acts on a child to supplying alcohol to a minor for the purposes of a felony. I say way to go Michael I knew you would beat it.

To the rescue

On Friday I was driving down Ridout Street by the BlackFriars bridge and the car ahead of me stopped. On the side of the road I saw a small racoon that looked real sick.

There were dozens of animal rights stickers on the back og this car, and the woman who stepped out motioned for me to join her. I figured 'What the hell,' and joined her.

The racoon (raccoon? It looks wrong both ways), hid under the car. They bite pretty quick, and this one had distemper or infections of some sort, so we weren't about to stick our arms underneath for kicks. She was calling people from her radical group, the London Animal Alliance, for some supplies for saving this guy. I think most of it's legs were broken.

Her friend Florine, a leader of the group, and her fairly attractive sister came with her net. After we got it out it was tangled in the net, and in the process of getting it to the cage fairly attractive sister was bit badly. When we cut the net up I recommended returning it to Canadian Tire because they take anything.

Just a cartoon

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sociqii lqmoik moqk com lqikc qk yw ais oiic

My work situation

I have a meeting with Cathy Horney on Monday.

Where is Old Zealand?

Can someone please tell me why New Zealand is new. I have never heard of Zealand, is there or was there a Zealand and if not then why and the hell do they call it New Zealand?

Holy shit thats the guy

I just saw the picture of the 'EATGOAT' license plate guy. Prick. Did you notice the little 'eat more goat bumper' sticker.

Jose's death pool

Right now I have no air conditioning. My fish tank temperature is 86 F.

Unfortunately, the fish generally enjoys to live in water at 76 F. Does anyone have a good solution? Aside from springing for air conditioning, which I won't do.

If not, I'm taking the 16th of June in Jose's death pool. Entry to the contest is free, and prize money is guaranteed. (all gauruntee's void upon winning)

Thank you

The book I just read

Just finished Brave New World today. It was kinda wierd. Alot of Shakespeare, sex-hormone chewing gum and blood surrogate human assembly lines.

Those little plastic bags, no not those ones

I actually ran out of plastic bags from the grocery store the other day. I couldn't believe it. You collect so many of them to the point where you complain about having too many. Then the day came when I went to grab a bag for my lunch and the bag spot was empty. I was mystified. I have never seen this before. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't bring my sad little lunch without a bag. I just can't walk down the street holding whatever frozen entree was on sale that week. I would look quite the fool. Then I went to tidy up the living room, I had nothing to collect the garbage in. I can tell you this, never again will I complain about the buildup of little plastic bags.

Marjorie Allen

When the weather gets all nice suddenly you feel like quitting your job and *I have a yeast infection...* moving or doing nothing. But you need a a job to make some money, I guess. That or some dope, right.

What if I changed my name

I was thinking about what I would change my name to if I was so inclined to do so. I was thinking names like Max Power, or Ryan Diamond (Simply for the pickup line, Diamonds last forever). Then I came to thinking I would change my name to something like Crappy McFartson and then I would find the cure for cancer and thy would have to name a day after me and it would be Crappy McFartson day.

Drivers in the morning

You can always tell who is not going to work in the morning. These people who sit in the right lane on a red light blocking your well planned escape route from traffic congestion. Then these slow drivers, like no one else has anywhere to go at 8am. I think a bylaw should be placed that all peoples should be forced to drive as wrecklessly and aggressively as possible between the hours of 7am and 10am.

Malt Vinegar Package

Someone at work brought a package of malt vinegar back from lunch. I have never seen malt vinegar in a single serving pouch before. I didn't feel like asking them where they got it. I was just to mystified with the fact that such a convenience exists.

Has anyone seen Mike?

It seems that mike hasn't posted anything in 12 days. I wonder if he may be dead, I really hope he isn't. Do you think maybe he gave up on this idea of blogging our random thoughts. He is moving soon, you think maybe he got his internet disconnected early. That might be it, I sure hope he isn't dead. I mean I could just call him but I don't know if I can handle the news of his death. Man I can't believe mike is dead. He was always a good pal. We will miss you Mike.

Update: I REALLY gotta get back to church

Thanks to Peter (See May 17th) for this picture.

I gotta get back to church!!

Props to Trickybrit for finding this site

Church Sing Generator

Worst socks ever

I know there are a million things wrong with this photo but check out the socks on this guy!!

Camel 9-1-1 Call

911 Dispatcher: 911, what's your emergency?
Caller: Uh, yes. I'm at the Mayle Farm in Shinnston and I'm under a camel.
911 Dispatcher: Okay. Can you breathe?
Caller: Barely. As long as he doesn't move anymore, I can.
911 Dispatcher: Okay. How did you get under it?
Caller: I was painting a fence and he knocked me down.
911 Dispatcher: Okay.
Caller: He won't let me up. He won't let me out

2050 - and immortality is within our grasp

PlayStation 5 will probably be as powerful as the human brain


Pretty funny article of the future of computer power. War of the machines cannot be to far away. We will be assimilated.

Just To Clarify.

I feel the need to clarify this point. I don't eat goat. I doubt that Mike eats goat either. I did try moose sausage once, its was quite good until I found out it was moose, then I no longer ate it. I honestly don't eat anything remotely wierd. Have you seen the green Tabasco Sauce. Now this stuff is odd, it has this wierd translucent green quality to it that really turns me off, I don't care how it tastes I'm not eating that. I could go on and on about things I don't eat simply because they are odd. Succotash for example, sure its only corn and green beans, I like beans, I like corn (now I only eat corn in the cob, not off the cob, its too close to cream corn that way), but I could never eat succotash simply because of the name. I can't quite remember where Mike got the name Eat The Goat, I know he used to litter our desks in college with the phrase. I believe it is the name of his fictitious slasher metal band. I could be wrong.