Canadian Tire Guy - The quintessential canadian man

This not mine:

Canadian Tire Guy: "Greetings, Joe! Repairing the deck, I see."

Neighbor: [repressing a sigh] "Yep. Just puttering away, you know."

Canadian Tire Guy: "You know--"

Neighbor: "I don't care, Canadan Tire Guy."

Canadian Tire Guy: [soldiering on regardless] "You know--with my MasterCraft Deck Treatment Pump-Pen, I can waterproof lumber while writing checks and making shopping lists!"

Neighbor: "That's great."

Canadian Tire Guy: "Check out that pressurized nozzle! That's one even spray! The onboard digital clock means I'm never late, and the built-in, handle-mounted thermometer never has me at a loss for the temperature! And look!" [clips pen to shirt] "The titanium grip means I'll never lose it! Thanks, MasterCraft!"

Neighbor: "Uh huh." [cell phone rings] "Hello? What? Oh my god."

Canadian Tire Guy: "Something the matter, Joe?

Neighbor: "I can't talk now, my wife's going into labor!"

Canadian Tire Guy: "Really? You know, my MasterCraft Adjustable Five-Speed Birth Pump can suction a baby out of a uterus in half the time of a hospital! It can be powered by most major car batteries and fits right in the glove compartment! Machine washable? It is! And look!" [clips birth pump to face] "The titanium grip means I'll never lose it! Thanks, MasterCraft!"